Hi Guys, it’s me, Cheeky Monkey HD.com, here to *finally* get started on the story.  I will not keep you any longer.

That said, although I have to accept Emma’s interjection from a contractual perspective (if not a moral one); I am absolutely furious that someone such as Jose feels that he has the right (or left) to get involved in this: my very first Light Novel.  I’ll be having a very serious chat with him about this, and I may need to involve his mother.

I, Cheeky Monkey HD.com, was sound asleep; immersed in a complex dream in which my quest to achieve world peace via the medium of Let’s Play videos was being threatened by an evil anthropomorphic donut who brainwashed the masses using telekinetically controlled sprinkles.  I’d just accidentally ingested a rogue cronut (a cronie of the master donut, Derek Donut) when I was rudely (but cutely) awoken with a paw in my face.  It was a cat’s paw; the paw of my pal, Cheeky Cat 1080p.

“Mow,” said CC1080p¹ directly into my face. I don’t speak Cat, but I have come to learn that this means: “I need my food now, pleeeeeeeeease.”²

As a responsible pet-carer, I’m more than willing to fulfil her culinary requirements, but she was sat on my chest and DD4KUHD was fast asleep by my side.  I was literally unable to move.

“Erm, Guys, do you think you could possibly move/wake up so that I can get out of bed?”

CC1080P had zipped out of the bedroom door before I had finished the sentence. DD4KUHD slowly opened his eyes and, without moving his head, neck or body, swivelled his eyeballs to look at me: “I’m not moving.”

After clambering out of the bed, I pulled on my Cheeky Monkey HD.com Industries brand dressing gown and glanced at myself in the mirror.

“Hmmmm,” I mused to myself. “It’s incredible that a garment can be so stylish, flattering and well made, yet priced so competitively.”

After laughing a laugh of well deserved self satisfaction, I headed downstairs towards the kitchen. CC1080P hovered metaphorically next to her bowl, as expected, but she was meowing at a greater velocity and volume than usual.  I assumed that this was *stereotypical cat impatience*, but as I approach her and the offending food receptacle (bowl) I could see that her urgency was neither hunger nor brat based.

“Flipping Heck,” I exclaimed. “Your food bowl has turned into a portal to another world!”

“Mow,” She replied.

Next Chapter

Previous Chapter.

Footnotes:

1. We’re going to refer to Cheeky Cat 1080p as CC1080p and Daft Dog 4KUHD as DD4KUHD for most of the book.  It’s just a bit shorter, isn’t it?
2. Daft Dog 4K UHD assures me that she isn’t being this polite.